Several years ago, I went on a date with a girl who jumped in front of a Mack Truck and asked me to save her. I didn’t. About thirty seconds into her suicide attempt, she realized I wasn’t coming to her rescue (I think I Continue reading →
Some people like to take space between their relationships, but I’ve always preferred to impale myself head-on. After someone’s dumped me, I try to take at least seven days and dedicate myself to such self-improvement exercises as: “cyberstalking,” “maxing out my debit card,” and “going Continue reading →
“Clouds of sulfur in the air, bombs are falling everywhere, it’s heartbreak warfare.” The Monday after Easter. That’s when it happened. Kind of sad that I can so easily pinpoint the date, but it was a very memorable weekend since I spent it drinking too Continue reading →