Sometimes dating can feel like a hamster wheel of failure. Other times you fall in love with a guy who moves in on a first date! Enjoy part two of our series of interviews with partnered online daters.
Interviewee # 1
38/female
straight/poly
Do you ever feel any embarrassment over the whole “met online” thing?
None at all. I’m proud of it. I don’t do shame and stigma in general, though.
How long, if ever, did you go before disabling your profile after you started dating?
I remember we discussed it at some point, I want to say it was about 6 months in, and both of us disabled our profiles. We’ve both since re-enabled them, though.
Have there been any differences in the progression of the relationship with your boyfriend and previous, off-line relationships?
Usually if I were dating offline, I’d be dating someone in my extended network, so there would be people in common among us. There hasn’t been. Early on I would need a second opinion on his behavior and would rely on a certain set of his friends that I knew – and they definitely were coloring the info I got. That all probably would have gone down differently if we’d met offline – but only if we met through mutual friends.
Did meeting someone special change your perception of online dating?
Yes. I’ve gone on a lot of shitty online dates that didn’t lead anywhere. Knowing that it’s possible to meet someone really great steeled me for going on a lot more.
What advice would you give to someone who hasn’t found a lot of success with online dating so far?
Depends on the person. 😉 Probably to let go of their fear and shame and of what people tell them that they’re supposed to be enjoying – and to really go for what they want, honestly, and unabashedly.
Interviewee # 2
65/male
straight
Do you ever feel any embarrassment over the whole “met online” thing?
Never.
How long, if ever, did you go before disabling your profile after you started dating?
Never… it may still be out there… just never went back to the site.
Have there been any differences in the progression of the relationship with your wife and previous, off-line relationships?
Yes. Previous off-line relationships were based off chemistry. This one was based off friendship first.
Did meeting someone special change your perception of online dating?
Yes. I now recommend it to everyone.
What advice would you give to someone who hasn’t found a lot of success with online dating so far?
Stay with it.
Interviewee # 3
30/female
straight
Do you ever feel any embarrassment over the whole “met online” thing?
Nope. I think it’s rather cute that we met because of my mention of Leonard Nimoy (from Star Trek) in my profile.
How long, if ever, did you go before disabling your profile after you started dating?
We actually disabled both of ours together when I came back from China and decided we were going to be exclusive.
Have there been any differences in the progression of the relationship with your fiance and previous, off-line relationships?
Besides the fact that this one is leading to marriage in September, it’s the most healthy and normal relationship I have ever been in. Not only does he make me laugh, but we really compliment each other and help each other grow as people in a way that no other partner has ever done for me.
Did meeting someone special change your perception of online dating?
Yes and no. It worked for me, but I understand it’s not for everyone. I went on plenty of rude and creepy dates before I found the right one.
What advice would you give to someone who hasn’t found a lot of success with online dating so far?
Don’t limit yourself to one site or one type of way of meeting people. I’ve met people on the subway, at the gym, at a party, through a friend, etc… I think you just need to be open but not always seeking. Don’t look too hard. I had to let him find me.
Interviewee # 4
35/female
straight
Do you ever feel any embarrassment over the whole “met online” thing?
At first, maybe a little, but it is what it is. I had NO time to meet anyone. I also knew I wanted certain things is a partner that were important to me. He needed to have some sort of education and/or training, had to have a stable job, no smoking, etc. and I was able to view those attributes online which was nice. When people asked where I met him, I would say a bar (which was where I officially met him). As soon as I started telling people I met him online it was amazing how many people said they met their significant other online as well.
How long, if ever, did you go before disabling your profile after you started dating?
I left it up until probably after we were married. I of course changed my status as our relationship changed.
Have there been any differences in the progression of the relationship with your fiance and previous, off-line relationships?
It was my first serious relationship with another self-sufficient adult, so everything seemed more grown up. No more college parties, classes, exams. Just life. That was nice.
Did meeting someone special change your perception of online dating?
Absolutely. There are wonderful people everywhere. Maybe your wonderful person lives somewhere you never otherwise meet them because it is so far from you. Maybe you pass them everyday and you just don’t notice. We use the internet for all sorts of wonderful things, why not use it for meeting new people?
What advice would you give to someone who hasn’t found a lot of success with online dating so far?
Find out about other important relationships in their life. Look for someone you can chat with. Try to connect to someone emotionally before the physical stuff takes over. If you can’t be their friend, then a serious relationship will never happen. Or it may for a short time, and then fizzle out. Once you do meet them, if you have an opportunity to see them in action with their friends, pay attention to how they interact with them. How do they treat them? Also, how do they speak about their parents? I think people who have it in their control to have a positive relationship with their parents are usually better in relationships.
There you have it! Everyone recommends online dating (mostly)! Now let’s all click on over to Mesh and find our soulmates. Eventually.
One comment
Leave a commentIt a great part 2=) Thank U! I remember how I was nervous when I first met my wife. We communicate a lot on [redacted: possible spam of Russian dating site- editor.] and we have a lot of common interests. She was from Russia but nevertheless I fly to her and then I realize that I found what I have been looking for so long time)